Tell me...do you know...the secrets of..S44?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

hmm.

Just when I thought the hectic ( and I'm still in orientation!) work schedule has annihilated all my passion for OT, I met a patient who snapped me out of doomed indifference. I used to think that the bulk of satisfaction coming from my work would come from interacting with patients, but come to think of it, I realised job satisfaction for me comes from seeing patients who inspire me to want to try harder.

I think it's very strange how inspiration works. Like I can't exactly see the logic of it. Some people will say, "Oh I feel encouraged when I see my patients smile" or "When patients thank me, I will feel that it's all worth it"- which all made perfect sense since there is some form of a reward system. For me, the main jolting moments that I have experienced both as a student and a green therapist are:

When a patient, rendered partially paralysed and incapable of speech by a brain tumour, tried to write his name and struggled not to cry when he realised that he could no longer do so.
A patient who was to be informed that his cancer cells has spread by a team of doctors at a scheduled time. Although I was not present when the doctors did so, at that point of time -I knew when the doctors would inform him- I did think, "As I am going about doing my work, somebody's life is going to change".
When I was seeing a patient to make suggestions for his home environment, he told me that he didn't receive good news from the doctors that morning. I was going to see other patients, but I thought, 'whatever. I'm just going stay and talk to this patient' and spent the next 30 minutes talking about his previous occupation ( he was a fisherman). It's totally unrelated to what I do for work but I think that was the best treatment I ever thought up.
A patient whom I have avoided seeing as he was quite unkempt ( think: incontinent) and progressive dementia. When I dropped by to see him on a free slot he said, "it's so nice of you to come by to talk to me." I felt sooooo guilty by his words.

Really. What's the point of being efficient, of doing the most things in the shortest time, when voices are not heard? Sometimes I think I don't care about being a "good" therapist by industrial sandards. But then, I have to survive somehow, right?

Screw this system. I don't want to discharge my patients with any regrets.

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Xiu Juan out
@ |8:03 PM|

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hmm.